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In Memory…

June 28th, 2007 · 19 Surrendered

When we still little girls/boys, death to us is nothing. Until we grow older, we started to face all sort of live and dead situations. You might loss a friend/family member/relative in an accident, sickness, suicide etc. You will feel that your life is very vulnerable, life is short, life is unfair and so on. You will frawn when you see those people not appreciating their lives and others’ lives such as drunk driving, illegal racing, taking drugs etc.

So far, I’ve attended some funerals, my grandma’s, my uncle’s, and my cousin’s. I didn’t attend my maternal grandpa’s. Some of my ex-classmates’ has passed away too. The worst one for me was Kev’s in 2005.

I didn’t know he’s gone, I was in dark, I was waiting for him to call me but he didn’t call on the day he promised(he said that he would call me in 2005 in his last email dated on 25th Dec 2004). I thought that he was busy, putting on hope that he would call me soon but the fact was that he’s no longer in this world on that fateful Boxing Day in 2004, I only knew about it weeks later from his friend. I acted as if nothing had happened in front of everyone but when I’m alone(showering, sleeping, driving…) as long that when there’s no one with me, my tears would roll down my cheek without warning.

It’s not easy to accept the fact that he’s gone. What’s more when his friend said that he had managed to secured 3 week leaves to come back to Kuching. It was supposed to be a surprise visit from him. It’s not meant to be after all. I was in denial on and off. Sometimes I accepted the fact that he’s dead, I would be sad. Then sometimes I told myeslf that these are all some sort of setups since I got to know him from the Internet and it could be all fake and there’s no such person at all, I would pack all my emotional baggage and go on with life. On and off until I got a Thank You card via snail mail from his sister that it sank down in me that everything is for real and I fully accepted the fact that he’s gone. It took them so long to contact me because they thought that I’m some girl that wanted to claim part of his properties.

An online relationship is not easy, I’m sure whoever involves in this kind of relationship will agree, sometimes you think that this whole relationship is fake and sometimes you put your whole heart in it. It’s not as easy and it requires trusts and commitments from both sides.

I don’t know how I got tru’ this whole emotional roller coaster without ruining my life. *shrug* I’m OK now though I still miss him. He always believed in everything that he did and treated any challenge that was thrown to him positively. He’s known to everyone as a person that lived his life to the fullest. I believe that he wanted all of us to do the same and when the day comes, we will not leave with regrets. It might be this that had given me the strength to go tru’ it. He’s the one and only person that I know with such positive outlook on life, that’s how I got attracted to him at the first place besides his wealth(yeah right… I did consider his wealth too and he knew that too).

How do you grief the loss of your love one? You might want to check Registry of Life out. Hopefully it can help you while you are on the road to recovery.

*This post is sponsored by Registry of Life but the story and my thoughts are sincerely my own*

Categories: Heart Matters · Take A Break

19 surrendered so far ↓

  • 1 bokjae // Jun 29, 2007 at 1:07 am

    Hi aiiling, yes in life people very often checks out on us! I cna see that you are a sensitive and warm person! Glad to have met you on the blogs! Perhaps one day when I checked out, you will not see me commenting for quite some time! cheers! God Bless!

  • 2 sweet surrender // Jun 29, 2007 at 12:31 pm

    bokjae, thanks for coming 🙂 May God bless you too!

  • 3 jam // Jun 29, 2007 at 3:10 pm

    Thanks for sharing your real life story, so touchy… May God bless you to meet another kind soul in the near future.

  • 4 sweet surrender // Jun 29, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    jam 🙂 This is my first time sharing, if not because of this paid post, I don’t think I will ever share it here.

  • 5 ahlost // Jun 29, 2007 at 6:53 pm

    such a touching story.. *huGs*

  • 6 sweet surrender // Jun 29, 2007 at 8:37 pm

    *hugs* you too 🙂

  • 7 miracle8 // Jun 29, 2007 at 10:34 pm

    I admire you for your strength in dealing with Kev’s passing. Not knowing what is happening is always the biggest fear of all. Hugs. I am sure you will find it in your heart to love again.

  • 8 sweet surrender // Jun 29, 2007 at 10:52 pm

    Miracle8, I also don’t know how I went tru’ the whole thing -.-” Now think back really unbelievable. It’s so scary when you don’t know what is happening. Good thing that his sister decided to contact me. I guess that’s the main part where I finally accepted the fact *phew*

  • 9 Wilson // Jul 2, 2007 at 12:47 am

    someone new will come along…

  • 10 sweet surrender // Jul 2, 2007 at 5:59 pm

    Who? Who? Where? Where ?:P

  • 11 Wilson // Jul 2, 2007 at 6:04 pm

    got la… don’t look so far… someone close by…
    but no more pilot la.. :p

  • 12 sweet surrender // Jul 2, 2007 at 8:48 pm

    Eeek… Blek… You ar? *LOL*

  • 13 Wilson // Jul 3, 2007 at 3:08 pm

    me? i far lo… i have to climb mountain walk across the sea… just to reach there. hehe….
    the $ sign in ur eyes change to ¢ sure easier to find geh…

  • 14 sweet surrender // Jul 3, 2007 at 7:14 pm

    I want $_$

  • 15 Wilson // Jul 3, 2007 at 7:42 pm

    cannot help …
    good luck!!

  • 16 sweet surrender // Jul 3, 2007 at 9:39 pm

    Hahaha… Really cannot help.

  • 17 Wilson // Jul 5, 2007 at 8:25 pm

    ya… stop here…

  • 18 sweet surrender // Jul 6, 2007 at 12:20 am

    Ya, stop stop.

  • 19 New Category: In Love | Sweet Surrender v8.0 (food, make money, fashion, reviews, tech, life…) // Nov 4, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    […] What I’ll be writing in this category? As you know that I lost my boyfriend few years back due to tragic indicent at Phuket on 2004 Boxing Day. I didn’t know about it until January 2005. Long story cut short, you can read it here and here or if you want more or being kaypo, you can try to browse my old blogs and hunt for the stories hahaha… Just to make your life easier, just look at the sidebar and the links are there […]

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